Disappointment

Disappointment.

I do often have disappointments in other people but more so, disappointments in myself. How do you grow to become a better person? I understand that it takes many days, or weeks, or years to grow into the person you want to be, but during the time, it's just a bunch of disappointments after another.

I realized tonight that I am different than other people. I can't put my finger on why but I feel like societal values makes me disappointed in the person that I am and jealous of the people around me. I have accomplished so much in my life and have so many realistic dreams but I feel like there's always something that overshadows all that. That's so powerful... it's like a black rain cloud following me everywhere. I hurt myself through disappointments but I try to blame it on other people because its easier to do so.

I really am trying to grow into a better person but I feel like I'm continually having setbacks. More and more so, I don't see a realistic future for myself at all. I'm scared about growing up and time passing because its at that point, that I have to be mature and really figure out what I want in life, especially out of people. Right now, thinking about that aspect of the future somewhat makes me suicidal. I'm not ready to consider the options of the future but eventually that's involved in growing up.

I feel like I'm alone in this world. Nobody really understands my point of view or the way that I want my life to be. No one really gets the way I feel inside and the hurt I feel for myself. I'm trying to accept the person that I am and trying to become the person that I want to be but I need help and i feel like there's no one there to catch me when I fall. I feel like I'm a burden. I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time. I feel like my life isn't as important as everyone elses. and I think my friends agree.