Why I want to be a Vet

So the Vet School Application officially opens on June 4th, which isn't far away. And I'm taking my GRE on June 27th, which also isn't far away. As the stress of finals has come, I started thinking into the future. With the main question being "Am I good enough?" Are my grades high enough, do I have enough experience, will I get passed that first step... Will I get accepted?

I also realized that it's time to start thinking about my personal statement. In thinking about that, I've asked myself why I want to be a Vet. The answer has always been simple. I remember April of 2005. That's when I realized why I was put on this Earth and from that month forward, my life has been surrounded around this goal. April 2005 was very simply the day that my dog's liver exploded. Not what you expected? Me neither.

There was a 10% chance of him living. I remember my dad answered the phone when the surgeon called and he immediately started crying. Before telling me, I knew what had happened. He was gone. But when my dad came into the room to tell me that he was in recovery, I was not only shocked but more thankful than ever.

Why do I want to be a vet?
I know that without a doubt I was placed on this earth to make a difference in the world through animals. My reason for living and breathing is to make that difference. I'm going to be the best vet to graduate from Michigan State's Vet School. Students in Vet School one hundred years from now will be writing my name on the blackboard and looking up to me. I know that without a doubt God placed me on this Earth to do this and only this. I have a connection with animals that far surpassed anyone's I have ever met. I want to be that person that gets to call people, with the amazing news that their dog, which was expected to die, lived because of me and only me.

People become vets because they like animals. Because the field is in demand. Because they get a Dr. in front of their name. I'm becoming a vet because in every cell of my body and in the deep aspects of my soul, I know one hundred percent that this is my purpose. I'm sitting here, just waiting for the future to hit so I can be the person I'm meant to be.

I'm going to be the best vet to ever live. I just have to get into vet school first.

Fly Away

Death is around us everyday of our lives; whether on the news or movie, the passing of a loved one, or dogs getting put to sleep in my case.
Today I went to an amazing funeral for an amazing man that I wish I had the opportunity to spend more time with. We weren't related and we weren't even friends. But I care so deeply for the people that he loved that I felt we had a connection far beyond a simple relationship.
Today the funeral wasn't about mouring a death but celebrating the resurrection of the spirit. With Easter coming up soon, I realized that life is the dark place, that it's suppose to be. God casted out Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden and sent him here, on earth. Separating them from a direct relationship with God. Instead, he sent his son to renew that direct connection.
God gives you great opportunity to enjoy life. To love with all your heart. To share your experiences and create memories. But in those trying times, in the sad, drowning days, remember that this is the dark place and someday, God will bring us to rest next to him. Until then, do your best because for God, your best is good enough.

ohhh...

So I just stabbed myself in the eyeball with a mechanical pencil. Don't ask me how but it really really hurt. I'm hoping that I didn't hurt anything that I may need later in life. I'm hoping I just punctured a hole in my contact. I guess time will tell if I go blind or not.

Spring Break is officially over and my life has become stressful all over again. Classes are impossible this semester but break definitely revitalized me so hopefully I do well on my orgo quiz on Friday.

My sister found my guinea pig dead today. I don't really care about the guinea pig. I'm just worried that my sister found something dead. I feel really bad for her. Rip Tiger.

Life is going pretty well I suppose. Besides my poor eyeball.

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

For once in my life, I felt like everything had fallen into palce. I felt like I was comfortable with my being, my friends, my family, the decisions I made, and the life I was living. Life, for just one instant, become so simple and so clear. I felt like it was a miracle or a blessing or something to push me through the hard days. But then life complicates itself.

I felt like something huge is about to happen in my life. I finally met someone that can change the person I am for the better. Not that that hasn't happened before but this is different. I don't care one bit if it becomes more than that. To meet someone that you look up to in such a huge way is a great thing to have in life. and I dont want to lose that.

But now that this has happened, I have to deal with the fallout of the rest of it. I feel guility, like I'm hurting a friend in the process of making myself better. I feel like I'm that girl that other girls hate. and on top of that, I can't even share what's going on in my life with the person I want to the most. Why is it that when something great happens people run in the opposite direction? Why can't you just be happy for me and accept the fact that I understand the decisions I've made and support them.

Life is simple. But then we go and complicated it. Why? What is the purpose of screwing it all up?

I've come to a crossroads in life and I feel like important people have fled. But then I realize that the really important people haven't left my side. And those are the people who really matter. I also realize that a new important person in my life has stepped up.

I want to be a better person. This is how I want to do it. I wish you were proud of me.

Life

So an update on life....

I got a new job at wag'n tails. It just reaffirms my faith in animals and the faith that I have in myself to make a difference. They have the cutest little chug puppy there... a chihuaha/pug puppy named coltrain. the cutest thing i've ever seen. I love my job.

It'll be a year since my grandmother died on monday. a year ago was the last time i ever heard her speak. the last words she ever said to me were "i love you too". I guess those are the best words to leave on. I miss her. Monday is going to be pretty close to the worst day of my life.

I've started a new sleeping pill, which I think is working so that's good. The bad thing is that one of the side effects is a pepper taste in your mouth. so everytime i drink water, it's pretty nasty.

I decided not to do my internship in Colorado this spring break. instead, i'm shadowing a large animal vet for a few days and doing some more surgeries at the vet, probably working too. I'm kind of excited to not have anything planned for that break. I can just go home and snuggle with my koders.

everybody asks about boys. boys are now and always the last thing on my mind. maybe after vet school. maybe never. both are fine by me.

I watch two movies this weekend: juno and cloverfield. Juno was amazing. Cloverfield...not so much. There was way too much movements so I could never really see what was going on. I didn't vomit though so I suppose its a success.

heath ledger died. that's sad.

I'm going bowling tomorrow after work. that should be fun. i'm not sure if i'm going to the bball game though. i guess we'll see.

So life is the same as always...pretty boring. I hope all is well in your life.

Disappointment

Disappointment.

I do often have disappointments in other people but more so, disappointments in myself. How do you grow to become a better person? I understand that it takes many days, or weeks, or years to grow into the person you want to be, but during the time, it's just a bunch of disappointments after another.

I realized tonight that I am different than other people. I can't put my finger on why but I feel like societal values makes me disappointed in the person that I am and jealous of the people around me. I have accomplished so much in my life and have so many realistic dreams but I feel like there's always something that overshadows all that. That's so powerful... it's like a black rain cloud following me everywhere. I hurt myself through disappointments but I try to blame it on other people because its easier to do so.

I really am trying to grow into a better person but I feel like I'm continually having setbacks. More and more so, I don't see a realistic future for myself at all. I'm scared about growing up and time passing because its at that point, that I have to be mature and really figure out what I want in life, especially out of people. Right now, thinking about that aspect of the future somewhat makes me suicidal. I'm not ready to consider the options of the future but eventually that's involved in growing up.

I feel like I'm alone in this world. Nobody really understands my point of view or the way that I want my life to be. No one really gets the way I feel inside and the hurt I feel for myself. I'm trying to accept the person that I am and trying to become the person that I want to be but I need help and i feel like there's no one there to catch me when I fall. I feel like I'm a burden. I feel like I'm not worth anyone's time. I feel like my life isn't as important as everyone elses. and I think my friends agree.

Faith

Faith is a funny thing. It's something that untouchable. It's a silent being inside of you that gives you the strength to be who you are suppose to be. I began to doubt the faith I had in myself and in other people. I began to question the person I was becoming and the people I have surrounded myself with. But at the point where your doubt is the strongest, God gives you a glimpse of what faith really is. He lets you see that even through all your mistakes and faults, you're still a good person. God finds a way to surprise you. He teaches you to open your eyes to the world and the people around you. Faith isn't just about God and believing in something that you can't see or touch. Faith is about believing in people; about believing in yourself. Sometimes, the road gets bumpy and the waves get choppy. But then the sun sets, the water gets calm, and everything is alright. That's the way life is and that's the way life will always be.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible. --St. Thomas Aquinas

Change

Change is a difficult thing.... especially for me. But its something that necessary to become the person you are destined to be. I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads. I need to decide who's important, what's important, and how to juggle the priorities of my life. I feel like in order to become a better person, I have to leave a few people behind. It's not a question of loyalty or trust, it's a question of how much to change and how much to drag my friends along for the ride.
I guess time will tell... it always does.

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle you'll find me

2008.... o dear

So it's my first post of 2008. I guess it's time to look back on 2007 and figure out what I need to change.

What happened in 2007...

-We got Kodi which is one of the best things that has ever happened.

-But two weeks later, my grandmother died in hospice. I was the only grandchild there when it happened and it changed the way I think of everything. I find myself thinking about her at the strangest time, like when I'm driving up to State. I remember the drive home from state on a Thursday to attend her viewing and funeral. The thoughts that you think of, the way you look at people on the road, wondering what just happened in their lives, if anything. Or I think about her when I'm flipping through the channels and I land on Monk. She loved that show because it made her seem less crazy. It's gotten easier over time but you start to forget the way she laughed, or the way she smelled, or the way she would hug you. I just wish that I could see her for one more day just so I could grab one and give her the biggest hug and never let go. That's what I would do for that entire day.

-I turned 19, nothing special.

-I was promoted at work.

-I officially rented out my first house.

-I passed cell and molecular biology.

I guess that's all I can think of in 2007.

This break, I realized that I live so much in the future, but I also realized that that's okay. My dreams are to become somebody but I have to take baby steps to get there. I just can't wait until I'm like 28, with my two puppies and an amazing job, and a house all too myself. Overall though, I feel happier or at least calmer about life. Sometimes it's stressful, other times its not. I learned to appreciate the times that are simple and learned to breathe during the times that are complicated.

I want my Irish Wolfhound puppy and my Newfoundland at the same time.... and then my bulldog.

Here we go:

This is Luke.

This is Bear

And finally....

This is Punk.

Should we go onto cats..... I think so.

This is Harry, Ronnie, and Hermie. Bengal kittens.... so cute.

So there's my life in the future. I can't wait until I can get my own puppies!