For once in my life, I felt like everything had fallen into palce. I felt like I was comfortable with my being, my friends, my family, the decisions I made, and the life I was living. Life, for just one instant, become so simple and so clear. I felt like it was a miracle or a blessing or something to push me through the hard days. But then life complicates itself.
I felt like something huge is about to happen in my life. I finally met someone that can change the person I am for the better. Not that that hasn't happened before but this is different. I don't care one bit if it becomes more than that. To meet someone that you look up to in such a huge way is a great thing to have in life. and I dont want to lose that.
But now that this has happened, I have to deal with the fallout of the rest of it. I feel guility, like I'm hurting a friend in the process of making myself better. I feel like I'm that girl that other girls hate. and on top of that, I can't even share what's going on in my life with the person I want to the most. Why is it that when something great happens people run in the opposite direction? Why can't you just be happy for me and accept the fact that I understand the decisions I've made and support them.
Life is simple. But then we go and complicated it. Why? What is the purpose of screwing it all up?
I've come to a crossroads in life and I feel like important people have fled. But then I realize that the really important people haven't left my side. And those are the people who really matter. I also realize that a new important person in my life has stepped up.
I want to be a better person. This is how I want to do it. I wish you were proud of me.
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